Confessions: not just for church-goers anymore!

I have a kind of confession to make. If you’re a judgemental douche or otherwise raging twatwaffle, please to be leaving now. You’ve been warned- if you keep reading I will piss you off. And then you will want to rant. In my comments section. And I will delete your ass. Hokay…

After 9:00pm, I prefer not to see my children or hear from them until morning. I do not find it endearing and lovely when they sneak downstairs and ask me sweet questions. I am not secretly pleased to feel them slide into bed with me. At night? When we have all called it a day? I will let my child cry for a spell until she falls asleep. Because I.am.done. And sometimes she cries hard. Sometimes she is really pissed off at me. And I know all she wants is to be picked up and hugged and brought back down to make silly faces and dance around in front of me. I know this. But I just can’t do it.

I love my children, I crave getting home to them every night. I love the weekends full of lazy days with them. I commit my hours to them 150% and don’t give a second thought to anything else. But it reaches a point in most every day where I have just had enough, where I have no more to give them. No more patience, no more understanding, no more time…no more of me. I need time alone- to build up the me again so they can have more of it the next day.

My brain is highly susceptible to depression. There are dark reasons I know this to be true. I have learned where my tolerance point is and how quickly I can get there. I know I am doing ALL of us a favour by setting aside specific time at night without the demands of motherhood. I would be scared and ashamed of the mother they would get when I’ve reached the end of my rope.

So why am I afraid to write this? To publish it out?

The judgement. Oh…the trifling judgement.

The labels, they make me itchy. Attachment-parents this, free-range-parenting that…all these specifics about how you MUST and SHOULD NOT do things. I don’t know about you (and I’m being honest, I DON’T know about you) but out of three little ladies to have been birthed from my nether regions? Ain’t a one of them the same.

Let’s all parent the way that’s best for that kid.

I have seen quite a few posts about how mommy bloggers should just support each other in our individual choices and agree, “to each their own”. Trust me, it’s not just mommy bloggers. There are people in my own life that pass down a thinly veiled tsk-tsk + an I-would-never-do-that with a side helping of I’m-doing-this-better-than-you. It’s low down and dirty and it serves to tear down someone else’s house while you build your fake one. It’s a dirtball move. And I hope to hell I’ve never done it to you. People.

I am a very good mother. I am just vain and proud enough to say that out loud. My daughters are well-raised and while I worry about my falters and mistakes, I am entirely certain we are doing right by each of them, all in different ways. We all think we know best, it’s human nature. The drive to succeed is strong, and to succeed= being the best. But you can be the best at your job and still let someone else be the best at theirs. It’s not a competition. I need to be reminded of this myself sometimes.

So these are my confessions: I let my children cry themselves to sleep occasionally, I prefer to sleep comfortably in my own bed with JUST my husband 100% of the time, I don’t understand the point of parenting labels, and I hate judgemental bitches and hoes. And I hate grape-flavoured anything. Just for fun.

Do you hate me now?

I’m still trying to decide if I care…

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19 thoughts on “Confessions: not just for church-goers anymore!

  1. No judgments here, because I completely agree. I’m so with you on this one. We have twins, now 7, and we set up boundaries when they were babies and it benefited everyone! They never co-slept with us, they slept in their own beds. They’ve always been excellent sleepers because of that. As they’ve gotten older, bedtime is a precious time because I cherish the me time that comes AFTER it. Like you said, it’s re-charge time. Kids go to bed, mommy gets some me time.

    Excellent post! :)

  2. There is no perfect parent and what’s best for your family may not be best for others. I’m glad you got this off your chest. You needed that!!

  3. OMG!! I can’t believe what have read here! It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!!…..you don’t like anything grape flavoured?!!! What is wrong with you? Lol

  4. I love this…I wish more people would learn that just because i raise my child differently then you, DOES NOT make me a bad parent. You said it right, we do whats best for us and each child is different. I cant even tell you how tired I am of hearing shit from other people…it’s like people thing theres a parenting bibile we should all follow and do the same thing so we can all raise perfect little lemmings…spare me, NO THANK YOU! I say to each their own.

    • The judgement is often very thinly veiled, but it’s judgement all the same.
      I don’t WANT my children to be perfect. I want them to falter & learn & teach & grow. Just exactly what I want to still be doing myself:)

  5. I think this is great. We may not parent the same.exact.way or have the same philosophies, but you know your limits and you’re making a happy home and raising 3 happy, healthy children. At the end of the day? That’s all that matters. MUAH!

  6. LOVED reading this–sometimes it’s nice to hear others say things b/c then you don’t feel so bad for thinking it. We all parent our own way and do what is best for each kid. We have three as well and I still don’t understand how three children that come from the same two people can be so COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!!! I’ve been nosey and read your blog and it sounds to me like you’re doing a great job, we should all pat ourselves on the back sometimes. Remember, you’re only human:) Definitely to each their own whether you have one or twenty kids:)

    • That’s why I love this space…this right here. Breaking down the barrier.
      Raising three little humans SHOULD be hard work…let’s not make it harder on each other. AmIright? (I’m right. Right?!)

      PS- I love the nosey. I LIVE for the nosey. Please keep being nosey.

  7. You had me a twatwaffle ;). But yes. I am a stickler for bedtime too. Everyone wins. I went to a party a few weeks ago (sans kid) and there were kids there at 11 when we left. WTF??????? Hope you like tomorrow, crazies. :) And I am not judging their parenting skills…well not until they complain about how their kids never go to bed on time and are always tired…ya know ;).

    I have friends who “attachment” parent and while it scares the bejesus out of me, rock on sista. Whatever works. She tried to tell me I would never need a crib when i was pregnant. Ha! :)

    But yes…i love grapes but hate grape flavored things…except wine…sweet sweet wine.

  8. I love it. I don’t have kids, but I think this can be applicable to many areas of my life. Work being the one for me. The competition driven life, the ‘I can run this better than you’, the everything. When I am done I am done. I am proud of you and I am going to ‘should’ allover you in a good way because you shouldn’t care what others think. To each their own, for whatever their choices so shall be their results, neither good nor bad, but just as they are.

    You rock.
    PS. loving the blog :)

  9. I totally understand this. Somedays I am just done and I don’t want to see my son, husband, or dogs for the remainder of the night.

    Also in agreement on the grape thing. But strawberry flavored? I love me some artificial strawberry flavoring.

  10. Pingback: Life as blogging as life | Life With Ladies

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