Floof

How’s about some fluff for your Monday?

I know, right?! I know.

And so, because I love you, I present to you:

Shit I Have Said Lately.

1. “Really I can’t think of one good reason to put your foot in your sister’s mouth.”

2. “It’s not fair of you to eat the dog’s treat before he gets a bite.”

3. “That boy is Lady Gaga.”

4. “Why can’t everyone just be smart like ME?”

5. “I’m telling you. I know these things. You will not ACTUALLY die if I don’t get you a drink right this second.”

6. “Thank you for breaking that.” (<- no sarcasm)

7. “Eating peanuts. Saving lives. Same thing.” (thanks Mae!)

8. “Yes. Injectable cookie.”

9. “See? Now you’re sneezing purple.”

10. “Low expectations. Those are the kind of relationships that work for me.”

11. “ALL YOUR CHIPS ARE BELONG TO ME!”

And listen, I know everyone is whining and bitching and complaining about Daylight Savings Time…and I don’t want to be left out of any party, so…

WTF?! If I have to listen to Maëlle scream and sob and “oh no!” her way through another entire day I’m going to taco punch the inventor of DST. Who clearly was never a parent. Because honestly- all that daylight you’re saving me? Is simply stealing my sanity. Not a good trade. Nope.

And while we’re on the topic, MAëLLE…please stop reading Mommy’s blog and thumbing your nose at my rants by waking up and joining us in bed every.fracking.night since that confessions post was published. It’s unseemly. And while I love you to death, hearing you call my name pathetically at 5am every morning and having your toes subsequently digging into my ribs from 5:01- 6:45am? Not endearing. Not even a little. Plus? You don’t own that bed, I’ll have you know. It’s not your personal flopping-around property. And smacking me in the head with your empty bottle ain’t really the nicest way to ask me to refill it for you.

I would report on our weekend but we really didn’t do much exciting. I’ll take ownership of that one cause Momma got heavy into the wine on Friday night and was consequently heavy into the lay-down-and-everyone-shush on Saturday. Thank you, daughters of mine, for being so understanding. lulz.

Anything exciting to report from YOUR weekend?

Bee-tee-dubs: you should leave some of your own Shit I Said This Week in my comments section. Let’s brighten this Monday right up:)

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3 thoughts on “Floof

  1. weekend was weekend, which means not long enough but good. shit i said this week: “STOP. BEING. ALIIIIIIIIVE!” -to dog, and, “IF YOU TOUCH MY KNITTING AGAIN I WILL KILL YOU.” -to dog, and, “GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME.” -to dog. stupid dog.

  2. Weekend was, well there. Friday night probably couldn’t have been better. Well, maybe, but I’ll take it just the same. ;)- shit I’ve said lately : why are you always an idiot? (to employee I recently promoted), is it wrong to want to tell customers to just die already? (to said employee), I can’t wait to go shoot Bambi, if I ever see her. (to anyone willing to listen).
    Three days and a bit before I leave, honey.

Talk to Meeeeeeeeee

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