Solo parenting is hard, yo.
My husband has just returned from a 6-day hunting trip 7.5 hours away. I took two days off work, wrapped those around a weekend and tried to maintain some level of sanity. I was only mildly successful.
I just feel…drained. Like 100% spent. And this didn’t just happen last night. At the end of every single day I had nothing left to give. I could not pick up one more dish, pack one more lunch, brush one more tooth. I would crawl into bed, turn on The Comedy Network awaiting The Daily Show and never make it. I never woke rested, instead I spent the entire night barely asleep, knowing I was the only one to hear a cry or a call out after a bad dream. This one wants oatmeal for breakfast, that one is crying that we have no waffles left. And let’s not even talk about the mess. Oh the mess.
My question, mid-day of every day was this: how do single parents DO this?? I knew I had an end-point. I only had to make it to Wednesday. To know that this pattern is repeated, ad nauseum…I just don’t honestly know.
And then we watched some Law & Order show last night with some lady who spent her life taking care of her sick sister and I thought: man, how do they do it? How do you give of yourself day after day after day and still have more to give?
Am I broken that I can’t do that? That I reach a point at which there really is nothing left and I retreat? I feel like my bucket of awesome-momness isn’t as full as other people’s. And I’m really not sure how I feel about that. I know that Ryan and I, together, are great parents to those Ladies. TOGETHER. But I’m not sure I’m so great at it by myself. I don’t like to compare parenting, so that’s not what I’m doing here. I don’t think my life looks like anyone else’s and I don’t want it to, honestly. But I do think that I reach the point of “I just can’t” more frequently. Or do I? Does everyone feel this way and just not say it?
Please excuse the emo post today. I just need to rally back. Let’s start here: