Reflections on NaBloPoMo, relative considering I didn’t really finish it.
So the theme of NaBloPoMo was “blogging for blogging’s sake”. But I’m kind of a rookie in this game and discovered that where I thought my blogging style was one big, long “what -I-did-on-my-summer-vacation” writing assignment…it’s probably more aptly described as “Hey, we did this! And then it made me think about this! Which made me laugh at this!” etc, etc.
National Blog Posting Month (& Blogher) did the job I hoped they would do to my brain: get the lead out. When forced to write for a deadline, sometimes the stuff that came out wasn’t pretty or lovely or effective. But the point is that it came out- which means I gave it the light of day it felt it deserved and I could move on from it. Like this one. And this one.
But there are two things which I will take away most treasured from November 2011 on this blog. The first is a voice. A real, honest-to-goodness voice of mine that is funny and witty and genuine and self-deprecating and raw. What I thought would drag me out of my comfort zone, has put me right back in it, cozy as ever. Honestly? I like the audience my words have gotten, I like to have people read and enjoy and be entertained, I like the little community I’ve built here. And that brings me to my second treasure. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you the ladies I have bonded with over this past month. You wouldn’t believe it possible that I would feel like they are true friends who know me, who I confide in, who I turn to for help and am flattered when they do likewise to me. In letting me in to little facets of their daily lives, I get the satisfaction that the universe ebbs and flows for everyone. My life and it’s circumstances are not unlike those of my counterparts. And I don’t have to compromise the personality I happen to have just because it doesn’t gel with someone else’s. I can be friendly without being friends with someone. And I can be friends with someone else without having ever met them (though I hope to change this in a few instances). The rules of my life are according to me…and so long as my husband and I are on the same page? I am free to let the chips fall where they may.I won’t continue to blog daily…this shit ain’t for suckers, you know. And I’m a sucker. #thatswhatshesaid What I will keep up is the conversations I’ve started this month- with my self & my friends. I’ll give myself license to post the things that seem out-of-the-blue to you, but have been brewing a pot of heavy in my mind. You know what? I think every single year around this time I develop a new rhythm to my life. It’s like I get a jump start on the rest of the worlds’ New Years Resolutions and think of the holiday season as my new beginning. Cause it’s a time of retreating inward for me- tradition and togetherness and deep-down peace within. I’m not a religious girl, but I believe in fate and in karma and in a greater good. Like everyone, I get side-tracked sometimes and then try to convince myself that this is my new normal. No. It doesn’t have to be that way. I should not have to convince myself of anything, I should be able to put my family and myself first and worry about you second. Cause it’s in my nature to worry about you, to want to make you laugh and want to ease your pains and frustrations. But it’s also in my nature to assume those pains and frustrations on myself. (where the fuck has this blog post even GONE at this point? Am I even talking about the same thing anymore? Are you still here? Well…I guess I’ll keep going anyway…) If in the act of helping, I become the one who then needs help: what’s the point? So instead, now I get to come here. I tippity, type, tap it out and before I know it I’m feeling better and I’m making my way back to where I like to live. In MeVille. Population: 5 (plus my dog & cat). Call me selfish or self-centred or whatever you’d like, but 99% of the time I’m worried about us and not you. I like you, and everything…it’s just kind of more about the “us” and the “me” than it is about the “you” and “yous guys”. (Which, by the way, stop saying ‘yous’. It makes me itchy.) I have rambled on again, haven’t I?? But isn’t that the point here? That I can ramble and flitter around this space and it’s A-OK because it’s mine. I love having you visit, I truly do. I love it when you comment that you hate it/ love it/ feel the same/ think I’m a dumbass. It’s gratifying to know that, in some small way, I’m reaching the masses and I’m not alone out here. We all harbour a little selfishness, a little greed, a little neurosis. I’m trying not to hide mine, because I genuinely believe it’s a unifyingly human characteristic. And I also think that, despite all evidence to the contrary sometimes, you can want what’s best for you first and someone else second and not have to be snooty and uppity about it. My point, and I do have one…is that blogging about my life has made me look at my life. Drawing attention to something sometimes brings out it’s worst qualities first…and digging deeper or around those you find the good. I have found my good. And it’s right where I left it. I will get lost again, no doubt. Hopefully this place can be the difference between losing sight of the purpose and just losing my way for a minute. And to my sweet little cocoon of lovely ladies and gentlemen I call my friends- from bloggers to Twitterers to Facebookers to in-real-lifers: thank you. Truly, thank you. My sweet new bloggy friend, Katherine said it here so well, that I cannot retell it better myself.