Cleaning Your House

{Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. – William Morris}

Think of your life as your house, then read it again.

I have this friend. She is dear to me. She is struggling. I said these words to her and they stung my heart and rang in my ears and made me think of myself while I thought of her and maybe they will speak to you too:

“…So talk. Because it’s therapy. Because it’s the truth. Because it’s the best you can do with the cards you are dealt and doing it means you’re honest & not afraid.
And don’t even consider the Others. The Others that stress you out and the Others that have expectations and agendas and so many problems of their own that they want you to carry some of them so they can point and laugh…? Those people are bitches and assholes and deserve a junk punch and a middle finger and FOR NO ONE TO ENGAGE THEM EVER AGAIN. Don’t feel bad about disengaging. Don’t feel rude for dumping them…Yes, feelings will be hurt. Yes, hurtful words will be flung because that’s reality. But the words will sting and then fizzle, the struggle will lessen eventually and you’ll have more time and energy to be…well…YOU. Whoever the hell that happens to be- broken, damaged, funny, sad, organized, flustered. 
I don’t care.
And neither do your kids. And neither does your husband. And neither does your mother, your best friends, your safety net. Genuinely, authentically you is more than good enough. Don’t be scared of what your life will look like if you change it. It might suck for awhile, but if you know you’re doing the right thing? Sucking is part of the growing and the growing is what gets you to the place you know you’re supposed to be. Go there. Go there.”

Go there. 

I think there is the scariest place in the world sometimes.

I think it’s scary because it’s foreign and from where you’re standing it feels lonely because you think when you get there you’ll be alone. And so what if you are? Is it better than that terrible place you just left? You win. Are your shoulders a little less weighed down? You win. Are you smiling, even on the inside? You win.

I want to clean my house. I want everything in my house to be useful and beautiful and fulfilling and uplifting and simple. Simple is a lot to ask, I know…but if we can all just tone down the bullshit and tone up the grace I think we’d find each other a little more endearing. I think one thing I’ve done well lately is to lower my expectations. I don’t expect people to do as I do, because…well…they aren’t me. They don’t dress like me, smell like me, parent like me, work like me, drive like me (oh thank all that’s holy), type like me…no one does anything just.like.me. And I don’t think anyone should want to. Don’t get me wrong, I find myself pretty darn snazzy, but if you carried on a life parallel to mine, I’d be annoyed. And I’d probably flick you in the ear.

My point is this: if you think you’re not supposed to do it, DON’T DO IT.

Feelings get hurt, people might be offended, relationships may falter- all of these things heal. Yes, all of them. They will look different to you, they will feel different to you…but isn’t that the point? The point of growing and cleaning up our houses to become beautiful places we’re proud of? It’s not easy…no. It’s not painless…certainly not. But you are the only one who can fix it, repair your own house, throw out the unnecessary & useless and stand firm. And when you sway in the current of your decisions, lean on trusted family and friends to steady you and guide you back.

You won’t always get it right…but that’s when you need to be gracious with yourself. That’s when you need the most silence. I’ve gotten some things WAY wrong lately…and they hurt me bad. And I cried. And I cried. And I cried. And I closed my eyes for a moment, recognized the hard shift I needed & have started to shrug off the chains. Started.

And that’s all I need to do. Start.

*************************************************************************************************

These are my words. Mine. If they translate differently to you, I’m glad, because I like to be different. It doesn’t make me better or you worse, it means on this particular playing field, we don’t line up.

Do not mistake this day as the picture of my entire life. It is but a portion I’m sharing with you. Please be gracious with those who you rub shoulders with: online or off. Recognize that, like my friend, and like me, they are probably screaming words they’ll never say.

And thanks. For sticking this one out with me, if you’ve gotten this far. I promise more swearing and fistbumps next time, mmkay?

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2 thoughts on “Cleaning Your House

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