Meet A Man: Dexter

Dexter Webster Higgison (Ryan will want to maim me for writing that. I’m the only one that calls him Webster. But it’s my blog, so…neener, neener.)

D.O.B: December 24th (actually, we don’t know. But this sounds good.)

Breed: black lab, boxer, rottweiler mix.

Weight: 80- 85lbs

Height: I haven’t a clue. But pretty damn tall.

We decided to do the unthinkable, and get a puppy when I was around 30 weeks pregnant. Because we’re idiots. I love Dexter to death, but we were ill-prepared to be the owners of an anxious, rambunctious, massive lap dog. He is all legs and chest and head, he’s got these paws that he uses as hands…literally. He can fish out a small ball from under the dishwasher & open a kitchen drawer with his front paws, it’s incredible.

He is one of those dogs that can’t bear to be alone. He will follow you around the house (obnoxious) and lay with his head on your feet (adorable). He is a picky eater who only started begging for food since September when our nanny started spoiling him. He is fiercely protective of his kids- he will nip at your butt if you chase them and they scream. He is infamous for running alongside the Ladies down the hall and ever-so-slowly pushing them against the wall so they stop running. Running gets you hurt. Hurt makes Dexter anxious. Running = no bueno. 
His least endearing quality? He pisses in my house every time he’s left alone. It’s ridiculous and makes me so, so angry. But we have very literally tried all forms of crating and blocking and confining and this fricken dog gets out of If you’ve never seen 70lbs of lab squeeze through a 2 inche opening on a metal crate? You haven’t lived.  If we leave him outside, we have to chain him or he ends up travelling the roofs of our neighbours’ sheds and scaring the bejeesus out of the kind folks two doors down. It’s a bummer, and it’s infuriating, but we’ll take it. We love him.
When we first got him, he was nuts. I’ll admit it, he was out of control. You wouldn’t believe that dog and this dog are the same. He is mellow 99% of the time, and even his hardest critics will tell you he is a great listener and remarkably self-disciplined. When he sees a stranger approach the yard, dog or human, instead of running at them, he lays down. He was never taught to do this and it’s crazy enough that most people will stop and stare at him when he does it. When he was 7 months old, we took him up to Ryan’s Dad’s cottage and took a huge leap of faith to let him run free over acres of woodland filled with smells and animals and sounds he’d never even dreamed of. He spent four days up there and took off one time: to find our cousin’s lost dog and bring her back within 20 minutes. 
Fact: I check the backyard everytime I let him out…he’s been in a tussle with a skunk and it took WEEKS to get the smell off him.
Fact: I have only heard him bark a handful of times in 2 years. He does this deep growl thing when people walk up the driveway, and stands like he’s going to rip your throat out, but he very rarely ever actually barks. He has no idea what the command, “Speak” even means.
Fact: when Mae was a baby and someone-who-wasn’t-her-parents was holding her when she cried, he would touch noses with that person until she stopped crying or they handed her off. She is his baby, make no mistake.
Fact: every dog is his BEST!FRIEND! He uses his front paws to hug…it’s not always well-received.
Fact: he and our cat have a very precarious relationship. Saku is kind of a bastard & Dexter just doesn’t know when to quit. (see previous fact: BEST!FRIENDS!)
Fact: the cat has kicked his ass on a great number of occasions. (easy now, the cat is declawed…but it doesn’t stop him from boxing Dex’s nose) It’s more amusing than it sounds, even. 
Fact: Ryan wanted to call him Bosephus. I’m not kidding. So instead, we let him name our dog after an HBO serial killer.
Fact: I can’t imagine life without him.
Fact: we adore him.
Fact: he is the greatest rash, ill-advised decision we have ever made.

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