I bet God doesn’t even LIKE football

Tim Tebow.


You are a pretty, pretty man.

Fig. 1a

 I can appreciate a man with the gusto to wear so many bracelets.

(but that’s a LOTTA bracelets, man)

I admit, there isn’t a lot about football that I actually know. There’s some throwing, there’s some running, there’s an exorbitant amount of aggression, and entirely too much of THIS:

love thy neighbour as thyself, eh?

(can someone please tell me if that is a wicked tramp stamp or some kind of camo Spanx for football players? Inquiring minds…you know…)

But from what I’ve been hearing, young Tim…you ain’t all that good at your job.

The thing is, I’ve been hearing a lot about you (shut up, he might be reading this. How do you know?) but it’s mostly about you-as-a-package-deal-with…well…with Jesus.

As recently as this past Sunday ago, I remarked on Twitter that God had so much work to do in packed NFL stadiums that it’s a wonder he got anything else done. So you, if you’re looking for Him on a Sunday afternoon? Go ask Tim Tebow where He is. Or Troy Polamalu. Apparently. I think it’s been sufficiently established here that I’m not looking for Him…but my suggestion to you is to flick through your TV Guide, find the stadium closest to you and point your pilgrimage there.

But don’t let Tim Tebow beat you to it. He’s got that market cornered.

Fig. 2a

Tim, I’m trying to be fair to you here. And I’m not going to bring up how crazy I think you sound, or how I could give a shit how many people googled your latest under-eye accessory, hell I’m not even going to talk about how you should probably just shut the hell up about your religion already and do.your.job.

Just be pretty.

That’s pretty much the only field where you might beat Drew Brees anyway.


*Geaux Saints!*


7 thoughts on “I bet God doesn’t even LIKE football

  1. DO NOT get me started on Tebow and the God phenomenon. Or God in sports, in general.

    So God helped Tebow pass for 316 yards, just like the scripture?
    That same God gave my friend’s 2 yr old liver cancer this week. Maybe bc he was so busy worrying about making sure Tebow got that one last pass.

    PS. the worst part is that I am a Florida Gators fan (have been since I was like 7?) so I’ve been hearing the Tebow crap for 5 years, not just this year.

  2. Nice job my friend…..well put, Darrell would agree. Jesus isn’t going to help him against the Patriots…he has to rely on skill, which, he does not have!

  3. Ha! I’m a Floridian too, moved here from Nebraska around the same time Timmy T took over. I’m pretty sure it was my intervention that made those years so awesome for the Gators. Sorry, fans – i’m busy being mommy these days!

  4. Pingback: Of Course God Likes Football. « shehaslostit

  5. Well, Tebow spent most of his playoff game on his ass. (don’t get me wrong, I am not a Patriots fan in any shape or form)
    I didn’t see him being true to his faith, not once. Therefore, he’s a hypocrite. Turning to your faith, because you’re on top. Shame on you.
    Point proven, he doesn’t do his job as a QB, I have no idea what the hype was/is all about. He has the worst QB stats in the NFL.

Talk to Meeeeeeeeee

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